March 8, 2011
I am completely exhausted. I honestly don’t know how I am still functioning, albeit I am not functioning on a high level. We have stayed up late every night and been late to everything the next morning. Meet this person here. Pick up this, drop off that. Call here and take care of that. Write this down and don’t forget this. Neither of us has sat down just to sit. At all. Even for a second.
I spent 3 hours on the computer trying to compile my contents list for the insurance and that was my “relaxing” evening. At least I got to sit down for a little while. However, my brain is so worn out, I can’t even speak a coherent sentence by the time my head hits the pillow. And once my head hits the pillow, it’s over. Lights out – Hello completely unconscious.
I think the disarray of our lives, is what keeps driving me forward. Every time I walk past a stack of clothes or paper, I have an impulse to try to get at least one piece of it where it should go. But then I run into, “What is it? Where did it come from? Where does it go?” Next thing I know it’s been an hour and I’ve been walking in circles randomly putting things in random places. This leads to a long hours with little progress.
Not to mention, the piles of clothes and what-not everywhere, in every corner and on every surface, give me an anxiety attack each time I walk in the room. I’m slightly OCD. I can’t just put them away. I have to know if they even fit. I don’t have room for things that don’t fit. So until I can try them on and make sure they fit, I can’t wash them. I can’t put them away if they haven’t been cleaned. So I’m up to my eyeballs in dirty clothes that I don’t even know if they fit. Once the clothes are clean, they go into another pile. Is this work or is this play? Hot or Cold? Where should I put it? How am I going to do this? Am I going to finally get all this put away and then it will be time to move?
Can you see why I am exhausted? I would love to sleep for days, but I can’t because my head would just keep going back to all the things that need to be taken care of. I still have yet to even make it to the grocery store. We have been grabbing food whenever and wherever we can. I feel so overwhelmed and I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. How can there be this much to do and take care of?
You would think losing everything would simplify your life, not complicate it.